omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
