I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony