I'm going to jail i love you
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes