i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
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Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
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The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The feeling are messing with the penis
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.