Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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