i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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