what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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