Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
