you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
