JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
