you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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