Do vagina's smell?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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