well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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