Your tits are I can't wait for
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
