life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
