i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
