butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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