I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
only you would photoshop your dick
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
