the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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