i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
