he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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