Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
