Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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