Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
