If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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