I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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