Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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