So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
