remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
