Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
