last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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