Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
