There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
