my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
