dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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