still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
