Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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