Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
