Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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