I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
