So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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