Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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