You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it's like iHOP with fire
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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