I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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