Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
