she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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