You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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