Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
