i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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