Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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