i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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