Yo dont text me then not text me
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
