I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
