3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
