6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
