No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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