apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How does one acquire holy water?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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