Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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