Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My hand turned me down
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
