Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
