Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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