hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
