"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Non-Jews are for practice
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
