I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
