WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
