Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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