She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
