people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
