Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
