She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
ttyl tear gas
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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