You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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