You can't motorboat a personality
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
