Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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