I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
