we have officially lost it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
